Few seconds before i got this latest and true

BREAKING NEWS!!
Pakistani researchers have discovered the heaviest element yet known to science.
The new element, so far only discovered and found in Pakistan , has been named Zardarium (Symbol = Zm). It has one Presitron, 1 Priministron, 77 Ministrons, 98 deputy Ministrons, 298 National Assemblions, and 100 Senatrons, giving it an atomic mass of 575.
These 575 particles are held together by forces called morons, which are surrounded by vast quantities of lepton-like particles called pillocks. Since Zardarium has no electrons, it is inert, impotent and ineffective. However, it can be detected because it impedes every reaction with which it comes into contact.
A tiny amount of Zardarium can cause a reaction, that would normally take less than a second, to take from 4 days to 4 years to complete, depending upon the kick-back percentage that Zardarium can get. It is neither radioactive nor active and is largely inert except for its psychopathic attraction for corrupt morons, Ministrons, Assemblions and Senatrons. In this respect, another two important inert iso-dopes, Nawazium (Symbol = Nm) and Shahbazium (Symbol = Sm) play a vital role as catalysts by their moronic ineptitude.
Zardarium has a normal half-life of 2 to 5 years. It does not decay, but instead, the whole country undergoes a re-organisational decay in which a portion of the assistant neutrons and deputy neutrons exchange places. The most important chemical quality of Zardarium is its magnetic properties for gold, Dollars, and corrupt morons.
In fact, Zardarium 's mass will actually increase over time, since each reorganisation will cause more morons to become Ministrons and forming iso-dopes as a by-product. This characteristic of moron promotion leads some scientists to believe that Zardarium is formed whenever morons reach a critical concentration. This hypothetical quantity is referred to as a critical morass. When catalysed with money, Zardarium becomes Presidentium (symbol = Pz), an element that radiates just as much energy as Zardarium, since it has half as many pillocks but twice as many morons.

I will be thank full to the one who will translate it in our urdu but please try not to loose any "element" of this pure scientific research report