I dropped my computer on my foot ! That Megahurtz !"

"Computers do not solve problems, they execute solutions."

"Q: How many software engineers does it take to change a lightbulb ?
A: It can't be done; it's a hardware problem."

"The computer allows you to make mistakes faster than any other invention, with the possible exception of handguns and tequila."

"Q: How many tech support people does it take to change a light bulb ?
A: We have an exact copy of the light bulb here and it seems to be working fine. Can you tell me what kind of system you have ? Okay, just exactly how dark is it ? Okay. There could be four or five things wrong. Have you tried the light switch ?"

"Programmers are tools for converting caffeine into code."

Users /NM./: collective term for those who use computers. Users are divided into three types: novice, intermediate and expert.
Novice Users: people who are afraid that simply pressing a key might break their computer.
Intermediate Users: people who don't know how to fix their computer after they've just pressed a key that broke it.
Expert Users: people who break other people's computers.


Helpdesk: Double click on "My Computer"
User: I can't see your computer.
Helpdesk: No, double click on "My Computer" on your computer.
User: Huh?
Helpdesk: There is an icon on your computer labled "My Computer". Double click on it.
User: What's your computer doing on mine?

"Difference between a virus and windows ? Viruses rarely fail."
"Computer are like air conditioners: they stop working when you open windows."

"Apparently, Windows 98 is going to be renamed 'Diana, Princess of Windows'. It's overrated, overpriced, consumes loads of resources and crashes spectacularly..."

"Microsoft is trying to add some humor to it's error messages in Windows 2000. Here are a couple of examples:
— Printer not responding: Got a pen and paper handy ?
— Three things are certain in life: Taxes, death, and data loss. Guess which has just occurred ?"

"If google made $1 everytime someone used them to find an answer to a tech support question, they would own Microsoft."

"Heard of the new version of Windows from MS ? It is called CEMENT — CE+ME+NT"